I heard it again, that deep breath she takes right before a big seizure is about to come. The dog wakes immediately from a sound sleep and begins to bark as we both race over to Allie. As I am running, I can feel the desperation that she is experiencing. Almost like when you are about to go underwater and you know that you have to hold your breath for a long time. So you take a deep breath in to fill your lungs with as much air as possible. The only difference is, that you and I get to choose how long we are underwater for~ and Allie is not in control of how long her seizure is going to last.
As I run over to her I see her face tilted to the side as it begins to turn red. Her eyes are fixated and dilated. Her body shakes uncontrollably and then stiffens, as Blanca and I do our best to release her safety belt from her chair, and remove the table from her Rifton chair, and keep her safe. It is still going. The seizure has not stopped. We reassure Allie that she is not alone and that she is safe, as we hold her with tender arms and kisses while stroking her hair out of her face. Sadly, kisses and love, and reassurance do not control seizures. Medication does, and we have been on a journey to control her seizures for 25 years. Although much less in frequency, for which I am very grateful to all of her doctors, she is still plagued by this disease.
The seizure subsides, Allie comes to and begins to fall asleep she recovers from the seizure.
I too need to recover, emotionally….as I never know if a seizure will take her away, it is fear of the unknown.
We cannot control situations, but we can control how we react to them. It is up to us to determine how we choose to handle things. Perseverance has served me well. So has patience and prayer. It is my FAITH and FAMILY that have given me the strength to carry on, stay positive, and give me the guidance to help others so that they are not alone as they recover from their emotional roller coaster. Just know that you are not alone.
© Copyright 2021 Julia Toppel
Wonderful NicDark WP Theme
Leave a Reply